The Alternate unEnding Sequel Thing
by DotzZ
Summary: What? We'RE dead? Dumbledore was supposed to say ‘Oh pish posh, Lily is too pretty to die, shes practically a goddess, and James, well James is just too James to die’ and then they were going to have CAKE! What is with all this gasping and stuttering?


**Disclaimer: No officer, I swear! I don't own a thing! It's all Jo's, all hers!**

**Author Note: Yay! Sequelness! If you haven't already read the thing that comes before, go to my profile and read Telling the Future, othereise this will not make a whole lotta sense probably. If this is called a sequel, what is the book before a sequel called? Its not a prequel bc that comes before all the normal things. Huh, tis all very confusing. But yeah, b 's where the chap changes from being the same as in chap 14 of telling the future to new and not all escapy and stuff. So if you don't feel like reading it over you can just scroll down until the x's tell you to stop. Thank you for all the reviews on chapter 14 by the way, they were lurverly and I lurved them! Read 'n' Review!**

**Remus: **_He_ is the reason there were eleven years with "precious little to celebrate"?

**Lily:** According to the book…But who says the book is actually telling the future?

**James:** It could be just a coincidence.

**Sirius:** That is one big-assed coincidence.

**James:** Well it's a big book. Oh, and Moony, you still owe me ten galleons.

**Remus: **Er- let's keep reading. **Professor McGonagall flinched but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.'**

**Sirius:** Yep, because it drives us people who don't know insane. Especially the nosy ones who need to know everything, eh Moony?

**Remus:** I'm ignoring you, Padfoot. Pointedly.

**Sirius:** Oh don't be such a prick Moony.

**Lily: **Hahahahahaha

**James:** What's so funny?'

**Lily:** Well prick, pointedly…

**Boys:** -blank stares-

**Lily:** Like a…needle…Oh never mind. Just keep reading.

**Remus:** **I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemorts name." "I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're-**

**Sirius:** A mini marshmallow.

**Remus:** First he's Bumbledorio, now he's a mini marshmallow? I'm surprised he hasn't been a…

**Sirius:** Oh! Speaking of bananas, I'm hungry. –gets up to look for a not-completely-squished-beyond-repair banana-

**Lily:** Good lord, how can he eat those things?

**Sirius: **-puffs out chest- I have a stomach of iron and an esophagus of…jewels!

**James:** Do not!

**Sirius:** I do to! How would you know, anyway? Have _you_ ever seen my esophagus?

**James: **No…But wouldn't you make irony noises if we banged on your stomach?

**Sirius:** No! Why would it do that?

**James:** Because it's made out of iron. I think you're lying.

**Remus:** Well of course he's lying, it's anatomically impossible to have an iron stomach.

**Sirius:** Says who? I bet Darth Vader had an iron stomach. He had mechanical everything else.

**Lily:** Well, sorry to burst your bubble-

**James:** POP!

**Lily: **But Darth Vader turned out to be fictional. So ha.

**Sirius:** You're fictional! –sticks out tongue-

**James:** I say we just bang on his stomach and see if it sounds like the tin man.

**Sirius:** Only if you can catch me! –throws banana at James and runs-

**James:** Graaaaaaaaaaaaar! –runs after Sirius-

**Lily:** What was _that?_

**James:** It was my war cry!

**Lily:** Oi. I think you better keep reading Remus

**Remus:** -hunched over book reading page 23-

**Lily:** Remus! Cheater! Give me the book! –grabs the book-

**Remus:** Hey! I was reading that!

**Lily:** I _know._

**Remus:** -grabs book from Lily- And…I don't think we should read it anymore.

**Lily:** And why not?! –grabs book back- It's just a book Remus. Deal.

**Remus:** But! –dark look- fine.

**Lily: different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know-Who- OH, all right, _Voldemort,_ was afraid of.**

**James**:-crashes into side of wardrobe-

**Sirius:** Hehe! You'll never catch –deep voice- Super Sirius! –takes off running again-

**Lily:** Are you still ignoring them?

**Remus:** -nods- Pointedly.

**Lily:** I'll join you…"**You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have." "Only because you're too-well-noble to use them." "It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."** Awwww! That's so cute! Isn't it cute Remus?

Remus: Er-

**Lily:** _So _cute! **Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore –**sigh- Well it _was _cute. She totally just ruined the moment they were having.

**Remus:** -mutters- I'm glad you think so _now._

**Lily:** Come on Remus, you need to get in touch with your feminine side. You have a severe lack of one.

**Remus:** -stricken look- _What??_

**Lily:** Hehe. Just kidding. **and said "The owls are nothing next to the _rumors_ that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's finally disappeared? About what finally stopped him?**

**Remus:** Lily! Give me the book! –grabs for it-

**Lily:** -whacks Remus on the head- Get _over_ it, Remus!

**Remus:** YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET OVER!

**Sirius:** -jumps up on the couch and promptly crashes over the back-

**James:** -vaults off the coffee table after him-

**Lily:** James! Come here! I need a cuddle.

**James:** -abruptly stops chasing Sirius who smashes into a wall as he was looking behind him at James- Ok lily.

**Lily:** You come here too Sirius. I need someone to read the book while James and I are busy.

**Sirius:** Well what about Moony? He can read. He's quite good at it. Although you'd never be able to tell by looking at him.

**Remus:** Hey!

**Lily:** Remus is being…bad. So you get to read.

**Sirius:** Well this is a nice change of pace. Ish.

**Lily: -**hands book to Sirius and holds out arms to James- Read.

**Sirius:** Say please.

**Lily:** No.

**Sirius:** Fine. **It seemed that professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold,** -gets up and puts one foot on the coffee table and strikes a pose vaguely reminiscent of The Thinker. With a Sirius-y twist. Meaning it looks completely ridiculous- **hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor-**

**Lily:** Sirius, what _are_ you doing?

**Sirius:** I'm being dramatic! Shut up before you ruin the effect. **as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now.**

**Remus:** -mutters-

**Sirius:** Moony! Clam up! _You_ are ruining my moment.

**James: **You're having a moment?

**Sirius:** Yes! Can no one respect that? –switches legs- **It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true.**

**Remus:** -mutters-

**Sirius:** Remus! I'm warning you! –louder- **Dumbledore however, was-**

**Remus:** -lunges at Sirius-

**Sirius:** -throws book and tried to pummel Remus-

**Lily:** -knocks on James's head- James? Are you still in there?

**James:** -odd look at Lily- Uh yeah…I'm here Lily.

**Lily:** Ok good. It seemed like Remus might have been channeling you or something.

**Remus:** -hits Sirius and tried to get him to let go-

**James:** Maybe he is and I haven't noticed yet.

**Sirius:** -lets go of Remus-

**Remus:** -goes sprawling-

**Lily:** How would you not-James! Get the book! –jumps up and down and points hysterically-

**Remus: **-lunges towards book- Ha!

**James:** -launches himself on top of Remus-

**Remus:** Oof. What have you been eating? –shoves book underneath him-

**Sirius:** Damn mini marshmallows! –starts pelting very squishy bananas at James and Remus-

**Lily:** James! Get the book away from him! Remus, what is your problem?! –banana hits her- SIRIUS!

**Sirius:** Heh…oops –dives onto James and knocks him off Remus who rolls off the book-

**Remus:** -grabs for book-

**Lily:** -grabs it before Remus-

**Remus: **-stands up- Lily, give it here.

**Lily:** No! Give me on good reason and I…still won't give it to you, but just give me one.

**Remus:** Believe me, you don't _want_ to read the next part.

**Lily: **And why not?

**Remus:** Well I'm not going to tell you! Why would I be trying to get you to not read it if I was going to tell you what I didn't want you to read.

**Lily:** I'm a big girl Remus. I'm sure I can handle it.

**Remus:** -sad look- Fine. It's your funeral-stops abruptly. -Mutters- literally….-sits on the very edge of the couch and crosses arms-

**Lily:** Just so you don't get any more ideas, I'm going to…read from…the top of the wardrobe!

**Sirius:** If Mr. B. is up there, throw him down here for me, will you?

**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**XX**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**x**X**z

**Lily**: Uhm…sure. –climbs on top of wardrobe- **Dumbledore however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer. "What they're saying," she pressed on," is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godrics Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James are-are-that they're-_dead._"**

**Lily:** DEAD?! What?? We can't be dead. I won't allow it!

**Remus:** SEE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO READ IT! BUT _NOOO_, YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE YOUR WAY LILY!

**James:** I bet it's a different James and Lily Potter. Besides it's just a rumor. Mickey G even said so.

**Lily: Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped, "Lily and James…I can't believe it…I didn't want to believe it…Oh, Albus…" **What?! We _are_ dead? Dumbledore was supposed to say 'Oh pish posh, Lily is too pretty to die, shes practically a goddess, and James, well James is just too James to die' and then they were going to have CAKE! What is with all this gasping and stuttering and being sad! I DON"T LIKE THIS BOOK! –throws the book off the wardrobe and starts to have a hissy fit-

**James:** I don't like this book either! –crosses arms and turns away-

**Remus:** I told you that you wouldn't want to keep reading! But does _anyone_ ever listen to me?

**Sirius:** Uh, Moony, haven't you figured that one out yet? No. Unless you are giving us answers on homework, then we are as attentive as little birdies who-er…like homework.

**Lily:** -screams and jumps off the wardrobe-

**James:**…so who's gonna read now?

**Remus:** You mean you still _want_ to read that thing? You just said you didn't like it.

**James:** Call it morbid curiosity. And I only said that because Lily said it.

**Remus: **Well I REFUSE to read anymore. I think we should just concentrate on getting out of here, I don't know why we started reading the dumb book in the first place.

**Sirius:** Moony, it's very boring when you decide to get all high and mighty. I am going to read just to piss you off. 'Kay?

**Remus:** -grits teeth-

**Sirius:** **Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder "I know…I know…" he said heavily. Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke-and that's why he's gone."**

**James:** That's MY son they're talking about, getting rid of dark wizards before the age of two and conquering the world at five! He gets it all from me.

**Lily:** Exushe me! He's –hic- MY son too! Gets mosht of it –hic- from me!

**Boys:** -look over the back of the couch at Lily-

**Sirius:** LILY! What are you doing?? You just drank the rest of _my_ Fire Whiskey!

**Lily:** -lays down on top of an empty bottle and giggles- I juss saw my –hic- life flash before my eyes –puts hands up to eyes like goggles- I _deserved _them! And now –hic- everything elsh's flashing. –tries to sit up- 'S'pinning tooo.

**James:** Why didn't _I_ think of getting drunk? You wouldn't even have a good excuse as to why I shouldn't, Moony, because I would have a better excuse as to why I _should_ be drinking.

**Lily:** Jamesh! –holds up a bottle to James- I saved one-uh two…three –squints- They won't stop –hic- moving! –grabs bottle with two hands- Hold still damn it! There, I –hic- saved six for you James!

**James:** -takes bottle- Six…one –shrugs- she was close.

**Remus:** Lily, I'm gonna sober you up now.

**Lily:** NOO!! If you –hic- make me sober now I'll…I'll…make YOU sober!

**Sirius:** Don't do it mate, it's not worth it.

**Remus:** On second thought…why don't we just bring you up to the couch?

**Lily:** -cackles- Good –hic- choice Remy! –tries to stand up-

**James:** -runs behind the couch to Lily- Here Lily, lemme help you.

**Lily:** I knew I –hic- liked you James! –kisses him- I'll bet our baby will be as hot as you, and he _will_ conquer the world! _And_ bring peace to the Argentinean koalas!

**James:** -grins broadly- Of course he will Lils! –sets her down on the couch-

**Remus:** Argentina doesn't even _have _Koalas.

**Sirius:** The Fire Whiskey doesn't care about logic mate, I know this from experience, don't bother arguing. **Dumbledore nodded glumly. "it's-it's _true_?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done…all the people he's killed…he couldn't kill a little boy?**

**Lily:** Damn right they couldn't kill him! He is MY son after all.

**Remus:** You should get drunk more often Lily, it makes you _so_ modest.

**Sirius:** **It's just astounding…of all the things to stop him…but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?" "We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know."**

**James:** Well with a mixture of me and Lily's genes, it's obvious don't you think?

**Remus:** Yes we all have realized that you and Lily are examples of the ideal human form, and that your son will be practically immortal. You'll have to forgive us if we don't bow down to you.

**Lily:** -pats Remus's cheek- Oh look James! He's –hic- jealous! It's so cute!

**Sirius:** **Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge.**

**Lily:** I think I might be tha' watch! 'Cause I have no nummers, -holds out arms- I sure seem to have a lot of arms right now, and I swear if those planets would stop moving I would be able to see them properly. –squints and looks up to the right-

**Sirius:** Lily turns into a watch when she's drunk. I'm an armadilloish thing. Don't they say your true form comes out when you're drunk?

**Remus:** Well technically Padfoot, you didn't turn into an armadillo until you were sober, but you do have an interesting point.

**James:** You could totally research that Moony, what people turn into when they're drunk. You'd probably have to use muggles as your test subjects though.

**Lily:** I bet there aren't any muggles that turn into watches!

**Sirius:** I'd be scared if there were.** It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here by the way?" **Hagrid!

**All:** YAY!

**Sirius:** **"Yes," Said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me _why_ you're here of all places?" "I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

**Lily:** WHAT?!

**Author Note: Well Lily doesn't seem very happy does she? Rant to come in later chap don't worry.** **I don't know why I had to go and make this sequel thing, its all so CoMPLICATED and masochistic and stuffs. But that's ok, so go review like the good little person that I know most of you are and make me happy : D candy canes if you do!**

**Mwah♥**

**Dot**


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